My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
