I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
