There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
