so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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