Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
please come you make the beer taste better
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
