Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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