she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
