just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
