I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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