i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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