Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
