My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
