i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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