You really coming over, don't trick.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
