Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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