I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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