Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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