you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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