Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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