hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
