As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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