I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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