Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
