I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
birth control should be required to get into college
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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