Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
