and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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