google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
