i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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