Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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