i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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