just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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