she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
