somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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