I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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