yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
