Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
