I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
