THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
