I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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