Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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