i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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