I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
God, I missed his penis.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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