Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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