I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
