I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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