I wanna bring you to show and tell
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
