I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
