My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
