i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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