there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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